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moeluv4you
the people in the apartment above me are having sex AGAIN.
this makes sexual encounter #5 in the past 2 days...and that's only counting the times that i have been home..
part of me is thinking, "damn, chill the fuck out..go take a walk..go do something with your day"
but then another part of me is thinking, "damn, you lucky bitches."

anyway...
i've been quite a little social butterfly lately and the social life is starting to grow on me.
tonight will mark the 12th night in a row of going out.
i think i'm going to try to set a record.
i feel like my old, crazy self again and i've missed it.

i became so domestic and such a workaholic that i forgot what it was like to be young and in college.
so i'm getting back into it and i'm rallying pretty hardcore.

life is good.

Current Mood: crazy crazy
Current Music: "walk it out"-dj unk

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School is over for the semester.
I've been getting out more and making new friends.
Overall, life has been pretty darn good.

The first couples days after you broke my heart, I wasn't sure how I was going to get by on my own.
How I could sleep at night without you lying next to me.

But I've come to realize that life on my own is possible.

I realize that you have to do your thing and I have to do mine.
And I'm okay with that.

I know recently I've tried to distance myself from you more than you probably like.
But the distance is the only cure I know.
At least for now.

All I know is that I've come to realize I'm a pretty great person and I deserve to be treated that way.
I deserve to be respected and loved just as much as I respect and love everyone.

So here's to life.
And happiness...
And good times ahead.

Cheers.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: content content
Current Music: Yeah Yeah Yeah's-"Y Control"

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i'm in a good mood today...

.....considering the fact that i've been sitting here in lab working on my 100-page research project for 6 hours straight...

but i'm happy.

tonight all my amazing friends are accompanying me out for a night of dancing and fun.
good stuff.

haven't had a really truly happy day in a long time.

finally.
damn.

Current Location: on campus
Current Mood: bouncy bouncy
Current Music: the sound of printers

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and now i find out you're sharing intimate moments with someone else.

friendship may no longer be a possibility.

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore

Current Mood: deceived
Current Music: india arie

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i'm not really sure what i'm supposed to be feeling right now.

am i willing to be friends with someone who has broken my heart?
am i willing to take the chances of falling back into the same trap all over again?

i don't know.
and it's draining me.

i've tried really hard to just forget about you and live my life...
move on..meet other people..hang out with my friends...take time for ME.
and i've done pretty good so far.

but then i hear your voice
and everything falls apart

i know that we can't be together right now.
not only because i can't trust you
and not only because i know you still need to figure out your shit
....but...

i don't know if i'm ready to be back in a relationship right now either.

i'm enjoying the time to myself.
i'm enjoying the time spent with other people...
spent with friends that i've neglected over this past year.

i don't know if i'm ever going to be ready to be back with you...
but to be quite honest, that's not the thing i'm worried about.

i'm afraid of losing you altogether...as a friend...
but i don't know how to be your friend

i don't think i can be friends with you and not want to hold you..
to kiss you...
to tell you i love you...

but i know that will only hurt both of us in the end.

so what do i do?

what the hell am i supposed to do?

i'm trying to live my life...
but you're creating this distraction that i can't seem to get out of my head....

Current Mood: emotionally drained
Current Music: "long way to happy" pink

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